


Choked Emotions

by LunarRaevyn



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Asphyxiation, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, Its sad in the second chapter but bc its an au of the first its not real, M/M, Not sexual asphyxiation, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 01:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarRaevyn/pseuds/LunarRaevyn
Summary: Kuwata never really had a strong crush before. The odd girl or guy he'd only met once, just puppy love. Ishimaru, however, was different. He knew it when he starts choking and coughing up petals when his thoughts turn to him.Hanahaki Disease because I'm a fucking garbage boyChapter 2 is an AU of 1 that I made because I got really sad but it's not really the true ending so you can skip it.





	1. True/Hopeful End

**Author's Note:**

> Whats up im leon im 17 and i never learned how to properly write UHHHHH  
> Trigger Warnings for blood and descriptions of choking/lack of oxygen  
> Please enjoy!!!  
> P.s. its so hard writing abt kuwata cause i HAVE to use last names or else my forgetful ass will think im writing abt myself since we have the same first name

We've only been here a few days. Six, if I'm keeping track correctly. I never was all that good with my numbers.

 

Six days of pure tension and fear.

 

Six days of knowing this beautiful, annoying asshole of a man.

 

Six days since our containment began.

 

I groaned, frustration coloring my tone and breaking my hummed, upbeat tune. It wasn't fair; these were supposed to be the best years of our _lives_ and we may not even live to see the end of the _week_! Isn't that fucked up?!

 

Walking from the kitchen with a snack, I fell into a seat, legs swung over the table while my thoughts took over.

 

I guess it wasn't _all_ bad. After all, Ishimaru was here, too.

 

A small smile played on my lips as my thoughts drifted to my classmate, cutting through my stressed expression and lighting my tired eyes. Ishimaru really was a light in this fucking hell-hole.

 

Over these six days, his bold personality kept us linked. He's a stick in the mud often, and it feels like he shoved a rulebook up his ass, but he's got a good heart. You can feel it when you see him.

 

Now me? I'm a rebel. I don't _do_ rules. I don't go out of my way to break 'em, but in the face of opportunity I won't spit, you feel? I'm no Oowada or anything, just your average punk.

 

I hated Ishimaru at the start. But after a few days, I couldn't help myself from going to the school store to get him something and hang out with him to pass the time.

 

A warm feeling bubbled inside me when i saw him, and thinking about our meetups made my face burn as red as my hair. I can't even think about how he always smiles at me when I knock on the door to his room and present him with some little doo-dad.

 

Suddenly, I choked. My smile and calm eyes were wide open panicked now, and I hacked up the fresh petals from inside. They were wet from my mouth, and a little blood dribbled down my chin as I held them in my hand and coughed up the last of them.

 

Another feeling arose whenever I thought about him, now that I think about it. It feels like a storm in my stomach, churning and rumbling and mixing with a wave of nauseous anxiety and sweet bliss.

 

And with it, brought these pink petals from inside.

 

Someone told me about it once, I think. I never really listened; I don't have the best attention span for things I don't care about. Hanahaki, or something.

 

But see, that's the thing. I didn't think I liked him like that. Or, really, I didn't _want_ to. I mean, I love spending time with him, but fuck, he's my friend! It isn't like the random puppy crush on some person you see once, I see him every day! I have to confront these feelings every single day for however long I'm gonna be alive, and it's gonna kill me if I cough up another of these fuck-ugly petals!

 

I was stomping to my room now, but I realized a little late that I passed it. My legs wouldn't turn around, and I went forward, till I stopped at Ishimaru's door.

 

As if watching my body move without me, I knocked. Time moved a second per decade as I stood waiting, and eventually the door swung open.

 

"Ah, Kuwata-kun, good afternoon! Have you come to join me again for a "hang out session," as you call it?"

 

He beams at me, red eyes full of light. He always looks so happy to see me. My chest started burning, and my breathing grew strained.

 

Still though, I'm not letting go of my appearances, and I can't let him know that I feel like I'm gonna keel over any second.

 

So I grin, posture more relaxed than I felt.

 

"Hell yeah, you bet, man! So, I was thinking; since I picked the last meet-up area, you should pick this one," I proposed. I honestly couldn't think clearly enough to know where I even want to go, let alone what to do. It was better to let him pick.

 

Ishimaru tilted his head down in thought, holding his chin and furrowing his brows. I could see how hard he was thinking clear in his face, and a smile bloomed on it, like a realization donned on him.

 

"We could study together, in my room! There won't be any travel, and who could pass up extra study hours?"

 

Internally, I sighed. Studying? Really? Look, my grades say I could stand to study more, but it was so _god damned boring_ that I don't think I could ever properly study.

 

But, if that's what Ishimaru wants to do, then I'll go along with it. Stepping into his room, my legs nearly gave out. I've been in here before, yet even then, just the feeling of being in such a personal space to this guy was a bit overwhelming.

 

I laugh it off, stepping over to the table Ishimaru already had several books splayed out on. Pencils and spiral notebooks were stacked nearby, each notebook labelled neatly and separated into subjects. Sitting at one end, I grabbed a notebook labelled "extra" and a pencil.

 

"You really take this studying thing seriously, dude. What's this one?" I snagged a textbook, thumbing through it without reading a thing.

 

"That's a science book! I'm reviewing the chapter on the respiratory system. It's not in depth, but it talks about what it is and what each part of it does! Are you any good at science, Kuwata-kun?" Ishimaru asked, pulling a chair up next to mine. My heart picked up speed.

 

He doesn't have to be this close.

 

I push the book a bit closer to him so he can read too, and reply.

 

"Nah, not really. I'm, uh. . . not really stellar at any subject. I just try to do good enough to pass."

 

Ishimaru's face pulled down into a frown, and he made a clicking sound with his tongue. "You're a smart boy, Kuwata-kun! Please do not let your mind go to waste with only doing the bare minimum! I think regular studying could help you greatly. Now, see, the respiratory system handles gas exchange in animals and plants, and. . . ."

 

We were like this for about three hours; huddled closely together, and quietly studying and making notes. I know I won't remember any of it by the time I left, but my mind left me again and went back to what Ishimaru said. I'm smart? Sports-wise, yeah, and with music, sure, but no one really ever has said something like that about any academic subjects. I felt pride swell in me, that he thinks such a positive thing about me. It makes me want to try, for him.

 

I have to physically force the petals to stay in my mouth when I have a coughing fit, shakily waving away Ishimaru's worry.

 

 

Eventually, we put up the books, and found ourselves sitting in silence. Ishimaru was looking away, a contemplative look on his face.

 

With his eyes focussed elsewhere, I decide to just watch him for a bit. Not in a creepy way, but he was nice to look at. It feels right to look at him, and I wished he would look at me, too.

 

I don't know for how long I've been watching him, but when he coughed and looked at me, I made a show of acting like I haven't been staring.

 

"Kuwata-kun?"

 

"Yeah, Ishimaru?" Crap, am I getting called out?

 

"I know that we've only known each other for a few days. . . ."

 

"Y-yeah? What about it?" My face shows my nerves. What the _fuck_ is going on?

 

Ishimaru has a look of. . . of _sadness_ on his face, and his eyes won't meet mine. This isn't good. My stomach is flipping and folding in on itself, and I feel like running away. Every bit of me is screaming to _go_ before he tells me something terrible.

 

"I. . . I think I may. . . **like** you. In a way I feel is stronger than most friendships are."

 

He's staring me down now, and my mouth feels like cotton. I can't speak. I can't _breathe_. I'm dizzy in my seat and my face is pale. My brain needs oxygen, but my lungs are squeezed shut by roots I can feel but not see.

 

Finally, I choke out words despite myself. I will _not_ be held back by fucking _flowers_.

 

Leon Kuwata will not back down.

 

I'm not backing the **_fuck_** down!

 

"I feel the same."

 

It's dry, and my voice cracks, but it's like a counter-spell on the effect of my affliction.

 

Air rushes to my lungs and brain, and I inhale greedily, tears prickling at my eyes. I cough out the last of the soft petals, and I can't hide them from my classmate anymore. They spill onto his floor, over my hands cupped under my chin to hold them, and through it all I can see Ishimaru's eyes widen in shock and fear.

 

I'm doubled over, and I feel his arms around me to keep me from falling completely. After a few minutes, the rest of the flowers come out, and I feel free.

 

There's blood on the floor from the intensity of my hacking, but I'm too lightheaded to give a fuck. Ishimaru likes me, too. I'm not going to die from this freaky disease. A little blood can be cleaned up. Right now, I just want to stay in his arms a little longer.

 

He's leading me to his bed, and that's where we sit for a while, him rubbing small circles on my back to soothe. I don't yet feel like talking.

 

Even through it all, now that we're at this point, I feel on top of the world. Maybe our school life is going to be okay.

 

I really, really wish it will be.


	2. Despair End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the alternate ending!
> 
> Trigger Warning: death by asphyxiation and blood mentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got really sad and I took it out on these two im SORRY

I wait for Ishimaru to continue, hope swelling in my heart for a confession that he felt the same.

 

". . .But you're the **best friend** I could've ever had. I hope deeply that we will make it out of here okay!" Ishimaru finishes triumphantly, unaware that the last shreds of my hope for reciprocation have been dashed.

 

I never really thought that after only six days that Ishimaru could've thought of me as anything but a friend, and I'm not hurt by it or mad. But the knowledge that one or both of us could die now, and without a chance to confess, to love each without any chance of life. . . .

 

I fell over, lungs bursting. I'm trying to breathe frantically, but my lungs won't expand. The petals are falling like puke, mixed with my blood and coloring my classmate's floor. I don't care. It'll be cleaned up eventually.

 

I barely register that I'm crying. My sobs echo through the walls but bounce back loudly, crashing against my ears like my tears to the ground. I know no one but Ishimaru can hear.

 

I'm going to die.

 

My shitty love for a man I know doesn't feel the same and can't as quickly learn to is going to kill me here.

 

"I don't want. . . t-to die. . . ." I choke wetly, thickly. It's almost inaudible through my coughs and desperate wheezes, but I think Ishimaru heard. He's next to me, getting pink on his pristine white pants. What a shame, I think, to get blood all over your neatly pressed clothes.

 

Seconds pass, and my vision darkens. The roots and vines are digging into my lungs, and i feel them collapsing. I think to the rules. I have only one thing i need to say to him.

 

"P-please," A long pause. I can't get my breath back. I have to. _Please let me finish_ _it_.

 

"Get out alive. . . ."

 

My vision blurs and my last thoughts are a prayer to see him again, one day.

 

_____

 

I'm going to be _sick_.

 

My only friend, my _dearest_ friend, just died in front of me.

 

He's gone.

 

It refuses to process in my mind. My heart is beating rapidly, and I'm sobbing, a torrent of water running from my eyes.

 

I don't know when I started screaming. I don't know how to stop. Blood stopped trickling from his mouth at least an hour ago, and the room smells of his. . . waste exiting his body. That's from muscle relaxation, if I recall.

 

My brain still adamantly refuses to let the emotions in. My tears are stopping. I can't move from the spot, my clothes damp at the knees with blood and petals sticking to it. I feel bile rise in my throat, burning, and I ran to my bathroom to puke away the hurt and shame of not being able to help him.

 

Leon Kuwata just _died on my floor_. I should've been able to help, but the petals just wouldn't **stop** , and his breathing couldn't even out, and, and---

 

Before I knew it, I'm hyperventilating. My sight swims and I grasp blindly at my table, knocking down a book.

 

I have to get someone.

 

Rules aren't in my head now; this is an emergency and I need someone as quick as I can get them.

 

I run to the door in front of me. It's Kirigiri-kun's door, thankfully; she seems like a well-composed woman who can assist me!

 

I knock hurriedly, and I almost cry when she opens up.

 

"Ishimaru-kun, what is it? It's almost curfew, you know."

 

"K-Kuwata-kun, h-he. . . Kuwa-Kuwata-kun. . . d-de---"

 

"Show me what the problem is," she swiftly cut me off, closing her door already. I'm grateful that I don't need to say the truth for her to listen and act immediately.

 

Silently, I lead her to my room across the hall, and the effect is instant. She's on the ground, searching his b-body. . . It's a scene I can't look at without a sinking pit in my stomach.

 

"Go get the others. If you have to, alert Monokuma to round them up."

 

I don't move for a moment. I don't want to. She turns to look at me, a flicker of annoyance on her face as she repeats herself.

 

"Go. **Now**."

 

This time, I'm on my feet, and I look at my map to find where everyone is. I feel myself sigh angrily; besides Oowada-kun, they're spread out too far.

 

I grab Oowada-kun and point him to my room, not waiting for his gasp of horror before I turn around to find the next closest student.

 

Unfortunately, some little nightmare is blocking my path. I just want to cry; can it get any _worse_?

 

"Upupupu! Looks like the games afoot, eh, Ishimaru-kun?" Monokuma laughs, saying my name in a wretched sing-song voice.

 

I don't reply, and the bear shrugs.

 

"Wow, heh, tough crowd. Don't worry, I was about to make the announcement myself before you ran off to get your little friends. Normally I wait till three of you see the victim before I make an announcement, but you were taking _sooooo long_ I felt I'd have to speed things along!"

 

I stare at him, face blank. There was nothing that could help me understand what was going on, but I understood he'd get everyone's attention. That's all I need.

 

"P-please. . . get them to help."

 

"Aww, not gonna beg me? I guess it's fine, but just this once."

 

With that, he runs off, and soon after, a ring caught the school's attention and broke the grave silence that's been driving me out of my mind.

 

"Ahem! A body has been discovered!" Monokuma begins. "Please gather in the gymnasium immediately!"

 

Without a word, I march down to the gym, and I feel rather than see everyone doing the same.

 

Through the investigation before the trial, everyone's suspicions (barring few) lay on me, and I feel too broken and beaten to care. I answer Kirigiri-kun's questions, and try to understand what happened.

 

The trial was seemingly useless, at the start. There was no evidence to anything, no reason or cause of death from an external, murderous source.

 

Until Kirigiri-kun presented us with a book. A book we currently are concerning ourselves with.

 

"Look here," she points, a diagram of a human's lungs under her gloved finger. The lungs have vines and roots growing on them, and to me, it looks more like a fantasy curse than a medical condition.

 

"What are we looking at?" Naegi-kun asks, voicing our confusion.

 

"Hanahaki Disease. Afflicting the victim with roots to flowers that grow in their lungs, Hanahaki is contracted when a person holds one-sided romantic feelings feelings for another, and can be eliminated in one of three ways," She looks at us, making sure we understand. When she's satisfied, she continues.

 

"One: The victim coughs up flower petals and blood until the disease crushes their lungs and they die. Two: The roots are surgically removed, along with the romantic attraction to the person the victim loved. Three: Their beloved reciprocates their affections, and the roots die on their own."

 

"Kuwata-kun was found with blood pooled out of and in his mouth, along with several hundred flower petals around his face and head. This tells me that the death, while listed as "asphyxiation due to collapsing lungs and blood pooling in lungs", must also be in part related to Hanahaki."

 

"And his crush. . . didn't feel the same!" Naegi-kun said, realization dawning on him. Kirigiri-kun nods.

 

"Correct. Now we simply need whoever his crush was to confess."

 

"B-but that's so cruel. . . they probably didn't even know Kuwata-kun would die. Does it really count as murder?" Fujisaki-kun mumbles, eyes wide. It shouldn't count as a murder, it was only accidental, most likely.

 

Monokuma however, laughs at her. "Not knowing doesn't mean you didn't still kill the guy! He'd be alive if whoever it was just went all "oh sure Kuwata-kun, I'll be with you" and made out with him like couples do! Not counting it as a murder is disgraceful to your fallen classmate, don't you know?"

 

As Monokuma rambled, I'm silent. Something clicks in my brain, and the lead up to Kuwata-kun's demise replays in my head. I told him he's my best _friend_. . . oh.

 

Oh.

 

No, no, no. . . this isn't right.

 

Is it?

 

I feel my tears well up before I know I want to cry. I take a deep breath. One of my last, I know.

 

"I think. . . I'm the one you want. I killed Kuwata-kun."

 

All eyes are on me, but I don't take mine off Monokuma. "I didn't. . . I wish I knew how he was feeling, when I called him my "best friend". I don't feel the same as he did, but if I had, he wouldn't be d-dead. I killed him."

 

The trial concluded quickly afterwards, and many eyes were not dry as the vote was cast.

 

"You were correct! The blackened---though accidental---in this case was Kiyotaka Ishimaru!"

 

I don't talk to anyone. I don't hear. I collapse to the floor at my podium and cry.

 

Monokuma's chain wraps around my neck, and I whisper quietly. "I'm sorry, Kuwata-kun."

 

I didn't make it out like he asked. I'll never see these bright minds again.

 

All because of one innocent mistake.

 

Just what kind of Hell would they go through before their own killing life ended?

 

. . .I wish I could see its end with them.


End file.
